I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
