i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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