Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
