I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
