This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
