how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
