I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
