I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
