I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
