you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
