you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
