I'm lost and stupid without you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
