so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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