my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
