so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Semen is not good for contacts.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
