The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
