Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
