she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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