So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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