My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize