Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
