im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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