I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
