if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
