Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm like, not good at living.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
