i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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