Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
