You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
