Apparently you make a good broom.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
