The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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