hotel room ftw
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize