i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
