i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize