i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
