we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize