So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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