yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
