I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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