Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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