3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize