It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
