did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
