I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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