yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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