Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
