...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
