if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
