so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
