Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
