my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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