Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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