i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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