Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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