i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
