Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
