Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
