....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
