so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
