oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
