1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
