They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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