I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
