Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
