somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
