the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
