I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
