last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
