It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
