Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
