i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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