You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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