I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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