I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
