Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
