just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
