I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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