One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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