don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
