i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
