im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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