omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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