You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
