can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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