hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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