I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
