Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think my nap took me to another dimension
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize