I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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