that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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