My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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