We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
