thus making me awesome and them whores
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
