five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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