Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
