I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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