Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
