If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
