is your mom at the bar?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
