It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
