I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
