you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
