I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
