shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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